YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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