My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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