Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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