I got chris browned last night
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
