my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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