She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I puked a lego.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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