no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"