hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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