The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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