he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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