Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
