quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
