it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
