dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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