i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
