so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
