we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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