john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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