judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
