Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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