When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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