my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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