its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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