Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
