He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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