so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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