New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
