just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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