i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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