you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
