you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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