talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
