he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
