who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
