They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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