The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My pussy is not your playground.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
