so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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