Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
