I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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