i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
