I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
