I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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