He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
