I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
