i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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