dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
