Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
