I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
