I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
