i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
