hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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