is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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