I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
