When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
