I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
