So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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