you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
