Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
