im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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