Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
