Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
