Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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