So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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