Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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