Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
