i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
