I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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